A Matter Of Some Gravity

I saw Gravity a few weeks ago. It's a very, very well made film, and I understand why the critics are raving. But it is exactly the kind of film that shouldn't have any film stars in it. The reason no one can ever remember the name of any character George Clooney has ever played is because you always think of him as George Clooney. He's just such a massive name, the apotheosis of Hollywoody Hollywood, and that goes for his legendary charm, too. There's a line in Gravity where Clooney actually draws attention to his own good looks in a manner that's meant to be dry and self-deprecating in contrast to the extreme danger of the moment. Instead you're jolted out of suspended disbelief to think "Oh, it's George Clooney pointing out the most famous thing about the actor George Clooney".

The shame is, it would have been a wonderful line if an unknown actor had said it. The whole film would have benefited a lot from unknown actors, in fact - the film's power comes from the terrifying realism of the peril, and the more we can identify with the protagonists the more we can intuitively feel that this is what getting lost in space must actually feel like. Watching Sandra Bullock on a spaceship mainly makes you realise you're watching a blockbuster where Sandra Bullock is on a spaceship.

Yeah, I know the money-men would never have greenlit a $100 million film without bankable stars. But here's a solution: halfway through the film I suddenly thought that Sandra Bullock's character looked a lot like Green Wing actor Tamsin Greig. So I spent the rest of the film pretending it was nice, normal Tamsin Greig and not Sandra Bullock out there in orbit. I think anyone would agree that would make a much better film.

Just, you know, popping off into space for a tick.